Courtesy of the awesome Egoraptor.

It’s been over 25 years since the world was first introduced to Mario the plumber. His looks are iconic, so much so that it would be difficult to imagine him any other way. That is, until you actually try . . .

What if in 1983, Nintendo had decided to change just one thing about Mario? Would everything else have stayed the same?

What if . . . Mario was a girl?

First, Mario’s name would have to change to something feminine, which would alter history itself. Why? Because supposedly Mario is named after Mario Segale, Nintendo’s old landlord, who once barged into their offices demanding rent.

Mario Segale would be replaced with Maria Segale, perhaps his wife, who reminded Nintendo that rent was due. Thus, Maria, our new heroine, was born.

Maria would have black hair and don a cap with an “M” like Mario, but she would sport a red dress instead of overalls. Also unlike the original Italian plumber, she would be much thinner because, well, when was the last time you saw a thick female lead in a video game?

In fact, Hine Mizushima of iam8bit fame made an awesome female Mario sculpture that captures the look of our Maria very well.

Meet Maria

Next, since the original duo were brothers, we’d need a twin sister to accompany Maria. Instead of Luigi, Maria would get help from her sister Luisa. Since the brothers were opposites of each other (one fat, one skinny), let’s have fun and make Luisa a bit on the plump side. She’d wear a dress like her sister only green, and she’d have a short, pudgy nose.

Maria and Luisa: Super Maria Sisters.

Almost sounds like a Sunday morning television show about two nuns with powers, doesn’t it?

Now, who are the Super Maria Sisters supposed to save? We’ll need to give them a male romance unless this is a lesbian tale (in which case, Princess Peach would still work). What’s a manly fruit that could substitute a Peach? Well, a Pineapple of course!

So, Maria and Luisa are on a mission to save Prince Pineapple, who rules his people justly. He’s strong, kind, handsome, which is exactly what attracts his nemesis . . .

Since Mario fought a nemesis that was also male, let’s keep that dynamic intact. Instead of Bowser aka King Koopa, Maria and Luisa would fight Bonnie aka Queen Cruel. Bonnie would be an angry snake woman (we’d want to keep her thin and lithe to compliment Maria just like Bowser compliments Mario) who commands an army of underlings, which could still contain Goombas, Chomp Chomps, and the like. She wants to marry Prince Pineapple and rule the Mushroom Kingdom forever, but that damned Maria keeps getting in her way!

And how would the game play? Would Maria play differently from Mario because she’s a girl? Rather than answer that myself, why don’t you tell me? How would Super Maria Sisters play differently (if at all) from Super Mario Brothers?

Link has a new whip weapon that he can use to attack enemies and grab items. It’ll be interesting to see how the whip is integrated into puzzles; with the Wii Remote Plus addon, I’m sure it’ll at least control smoothly. Nintendo also revealed that while Link is on the ground, he can select and switch out his weapons in realtime rather than having to pause the game and enter a menu.

Throughout his journey, Link will also find different insects that he can use to augment potions he can purchase throughout Skyloft. Gamers will be able to experiment with different bugs and potions to find that perfect concoction.

Lake Floria is a newly announced area of the Faron Woods; Lake Floria is home to a squid-like people who make up the Prella Tribe. Since the main means of traveling in Lake Floria is swimming, Nintendo mentions that the Wii Remote Plus will give players a natural way to control Link. Wii breast strokes? It also seems that the Faron Woods will change in some form throughtout your adventure; when the environment changes, you’ll have new areas to explore, new discoveries to make, and you’ll need to use new means to get around.

Update: Well looky here: Some Screenshots!.

Who else is excited about The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword?

It looks great! If any rich readers or sponsors want to give us a copy over here…
we’ll be sure to put it to good use!

The only catch is…. its only available in Japan for now….. we better get it here in the states!

Too bad you can’t get the 3D effect from the trailer. But it’s good stuff nonetheless!

Who’s going to buy this on release day?

One aspect of the game that’s being kept tightly underwraps is the story; however, thanks to GameInformer, we now know at least two bits of information: who Link’s rival is going to be, and a small bio of Zelda’s Dad.

Groose has been Link’s adversary ever since they were kids.  It’ll be interesting to see just how far their rivalry goes, especially once Zelda is thrown into the mix. Is it just a friendly competition, or does Groose want Link out of the way permanently?

Nope, doesn't seem Zelda's too fond of Groose.

According to GameInformer, Zelda’s dad, Gaepora, is “the headmaster at Link’s school. It sounds like he’ll act as an authority figure and Skyloft historian.” Correct me if I’m wrong, dear readers, but isn’t this the first time since The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past that we’ve seen Zelda’s father in a game? Very cool indeed.

So who’s excited for some Zelda goodness? Are you worried about Ganon being MIA this time around?

SEEK YOUR REVENGE

One of my favorite parts of this game was the interesting plot.  The story revolves around a warrior named Wylfred and his quest for revenge.  Now Valkyries are usually the “good guys” in the story but in the case, Wylfred quest for revenge has him going after “Lenneth”, the protagonist of the 1st game.  I found this to be a refreshing twist and it immediately got me involved in the game.

OVERKILL!

Another feature that immediately caught my attention was the “Soul Crush” finishing strikes.  The overall battle system is pretty simple in comparison to FF Tactics or Disgaea.  In fact I would have to say that without the “Soul Crush” the battle system would be very boring.  This feature alone pretty much saves the battle system.
The over the top action and combining your attacks is just so SATIFSYING.

Another unique feature is the ability to sacrifice your allies for powerful abilities.  Although this sounds cool on paper, losing a character which you just spend an hour leveling up, will leave a bitter taste in your mouth.  Although you are compensated with a really powerful skill, I felt that keeping a powerful ally was just as good.  The choice is yours, which is another selling point of the game.

LOTR LONGGGGGGG

Did you watch Lord of the Rings: Return of the King and say to yourself, “Holy Shit this movie is long?”  Well if you did, the battles for this game will also seem VERY LONG for you.  The battles move at a very slow pace albeit the over the top “Soul Crush”.  Not to mention that sometimes you will spend 20 minutes in a battle only to have to do over because you couldn’t “SAVE” a person in time.
Poor Poor Gameplay Design

A video game is supposed to be fun.  Why was Mario so fun?  It was simple and just challenging enough to be fun. Covenant of the PLUME is VERY challenging and this takes the fun out of the game.  The game has a very steep learning curve and doesn’t fully explain or show you the benefits of “skills, tactics or techniques”.  Granted you can read this all from the instruction manual but a well design game usually makes its features intuitive.  This is where the game loses its chance at being something great.  In one specific battle a flying “archer” class creature was beating the shit out of me.  I couldn’t retaliate because the creature was hovering over a huge canyon.  In order to finally kill this thing, I had to walk my whole party to a corner, have the creature follow me, THEN chase his ass, do a “swap position technique” and then beat him down… did you get all that?  Scenarios like this are all too common for this game.

FINAL WORD
All in all, Valkyrie Profile is a decent game.  If you can look past the steep learning curve and unfair battles, than Valkyrie Profile is the game for you.  I would have to recommend this game for HARDCORE strategic RPG gamers only.  I love Final Fantasy Tactics but this game was really a chore to beat.  The only thing that kept me going was the story and not having any other decent handheld games to play…

http://wrixel.com/2008/02/17/beginners-guide-to-free-games-part-1-nintendo-ds/

We realize that most gamers aren’t rich and by promoting the R4DS we are only trying to help out our fellow gamers. I recently read 2 articles claiming that the R4 Cart is now illegal in Japan.

http://kotaku.com/5161340/japanese-courts-block-sales-of-the-dss-r4-cart

http://www.1up.com/do/newsStory?cId=3173028

(Thanks 1up & Kotaku.)

This is not good news for DS gamers. Its still possible to get an R4DS in the states (a co-worker of mine bought 1 just last month). Get one now before it’s too late!